hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
