I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
