its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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