i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
