We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
