I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
