Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
