i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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