Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
