epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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