I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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