Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
