This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
