I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
