I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
