My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
