the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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