I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
