so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
