You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
