i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
