last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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