I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
