Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
