This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
