I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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