lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
