$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
