I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
