New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
