Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
