she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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