It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
