a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
