I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
