Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
