Already got asked if we're dating
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
