My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
