I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
