i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
