dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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