It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
