You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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