I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
