meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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