The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
