i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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