Where is the hickey?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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