I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
