There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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