I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
